A Sweet Release on Facebook ....People couldnt hanlde it :-)

I havent posted in about a week or so because i went to Arizona and decided to leave everything and everybody exactly where they where. I wanted to actually free myself from all the extra things that consumed me daily and pretty much focus on who I am, where im going, how i want to get there, and spend time with my uncle and fabolous Aunt.....

Now im back in Cape G. making moves- excited about what I discovered in Arizona about some of everything (have to explain later)...... :-)

ON MY MIND AT THIS TIME..............
soooo on facebook you can create a note called "25 Random things about you".... a few people sent me theres and from reading them I found out things that with some people I knew but at the same time new information was revealed. The purpose (so I thought) of this note is to share 25 random things about yourself - could be about anything....so people could know more about who u are..... The few notes that I read were a mixture of funny, serious, and also intimate revelations and fun facts....one of the notes that inspired me to write my "25" was from a "friend" that attends southest. He revealed information about his mother dieing when he was 3yrs old and how that impacted his relationship with his father. SO I decided that I wanted to create my "25 random things about me" but for me these things were going to be forreal things that with a few i havent told anybody at all. I know that i can be a really surface person and for a long time I hid behind my religion to be this super person that I wasnt in reality. I would smile and be that silly "anna" to cover up all kinds of junk......

The creation of my "25" was sooooo real for me. I knew there would be mixed reactions, but honestly I come to realize that there are ALWAYS going to be mixed reactions (positive and negative)... I'm honestly learning how to be comfortable with who I am, what I like, my thoughts, my physical, emotional and all of the above.....For sooooooooooooooooooooo long my decisions have been about what people may say or how people may look at me....WELL - ive become very drained and honestly unhappy.....

I wanted to share my "25" about me for those who dont have facebook or dont want to look for it on facebook.........For me its not as crazy as people make it seem as though it is (maybe its because people havent gotten the chance to know me- oh its been on purpose)

This was a Sweet Release *wink* for me!
(Facebook note 2/10/2009)
1.Recently I’ve realized that I have this crazy attraction for guys who have goatee’s that wrap around there chin - very, very, very attractive

2.Honestly I’m tired of people sayn/askn me “I thought you graduated Anna, Why are you still down here in Cape?” ……….. Main Reason – IM Grown….Im not moving back in with my controlling and over protective Grandmother or anybody else when I have MY OWN place with MY OWN Everything where I am now- Not an option for me…..I would rather be homeless then go back to that life style!

3.I really love using the dots…………after everything……I don’t know why …..I just do……………

4.Sometimes I just wish I could have it all figured out- Life…….Love/Relationships …….Career….- So I can stop thinking sooooo much about it….

5. Sometimes I miss being in undergrad on campus- having access to all my friends all the time and going to class....Yes Going to Class- I enjoyed learning! most of all being able to go see people so easliy...........

6. I spent all this time hyping up my degree in Public Relations and I’m still trying to figure out what the hell it really is! Lol…….. Im thinking about becoming an Elementary school teacher…..possibly

7. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a stripper (not just any stripper but the BIG BALLA, Workn the POLE, High Cliental stripper) and what my name would be. Just a thought……..Seriously (I need some money- im pretty broke- I know how you feel Brian)

8. I care tooo much about what people think about me…..I’m rapidly maturing beyond that……Oh and I absolutly ENJOY being Silly/ Laughing

9. Sometimes I wonder what does GOD think of how people are interpreting the Bible, etc……Does GOD see it the same way that people try to commit to or assume/think we should live or think…… or is it something different……If sooooo I desperately want to know

10. Sometimes I wish that I was able to dance and sing for-real- I would be traveling every where, making all kinds of money and honestly I would be WAAAAYY bigger then Beyonce or whom ever is the best- Beyonce Who???????

11. If my mom and dad would have made better decisions such as not becoming addicted to various things in there lives how would things would have turned out for me and my siblings (all 8 of us)! (I really wish they would have made different decisions just for their sake)

12. I don’t understand why it take men soooo long to mature- Thought that the older you get there would be a difference- but from talking to my mother…Maturity doesnt have an age..she has the same frustrations about men that I do- maybe it’s the type of men were allowing ourselves to deal with…..Pretty sure that’s it…

13. I LOVE MUSIC especially R&B- sometimes I get wrapped up in the music that I envision myself in it- especially the all out, lets get freaky songs

14. I daydream ALLLLL THE TIME- Most of the time it’s about the freaky situations I’ve been in or want to be in…..I can set up scenarios in my mind and play them out with detail….. I catch myself giggling about how my mind is working it…

15. I would rather daydream about my steamy scenarios then act them out because I don’t want to get pregnant right now……I don’t care how bad I want the scenarios to be played out – I’m not going to even play around with it…its even more serious for me right now……Especially when I know its not hard to to do........

16. I regret a couple of things I’ve done in my life that I promised myself I would NEVER do again- I would never mess around with my friends boyfriends….. Truly NOT WORTH the pain of losing the trust of your friend, ultimately losing a friend or losing self worth in the process – all loss and no gain from the actions

17. Every time I visit my family in St. Louis It makes me want to stay on my grind to be the best and become something that will inspire them to do much more…..Seriously…….

18. I miss how good I felt singing and dancing during Praise and Worship at church- Thinking back to sophomore year at SEMO during RCCM Church Service…..Mike Martin or Eric or Dremon or Johnathon beating on the drums, Ben on the piano-and chaunda singing…… It was like a good high that I haven’t felt in a while………

19. There is only one relationship in my life that I can actually look at as one that I want to learn and build from in my own life- My Uncle and his wife that live in Arizona....From them and there advise I understand that what I ultimalty want theres no room for settling/allowing anything less....better explained in detail......!

20. When I think and look back on pictures from when I was in middle school I think “Why in the world did my grandmother let me eat soooooo many honey buns (my favorite), pastries, twinkies, candy etc…I was sooooo chunky Lol…People never believe me when I say I was soooooo chunky growing up.

21. One of my favorite songs is Musiq-LOVE (I can listen to It over and over and over again) – its crazy that most of the time when I listen to it I get teary eyed….Its just a really awesome song that hits me personally….

22. Sometimes I wish that I thought more deeply…and was a better communicator..……is it that I need to read more and daydream less ……. :-)

23. I want my lil cousin to know that she’s soooo much more then a pretty face and cute body…(push myself to believe it as well)I don’t want her to have sex to any of these knuckle heads out here trying to receive something from them that they can’t provide. I’m concerned that the examples of self worth and relationships from her mother and my self growing up has been disappointing. Realized that she watches everything I say and do. I think about her all the time……

24. I Love spending time with my homegurls (been spending a lot of time talking and hanging out with them lately)…..they’re sooo versatile that we always have a lot of fun together!
25. I recently went to Arizona and spent time with my Uncle and Fabulous Aunt (Absolutely LOVED the Trip)- Brought back rocks from the trail that we hiked and decided to call them my Gratitude Rocks- Every time I look at my Huge Rock I’m going to thank GOD for what I’m grateful for in my Life!